Lots of us are uncomfortable when it comes to talking about sex. Being taught that sex is a ‘taboo’ subject leaves many of us unable to be open with our partners about what we want in bed. It can feel embarrassing to admit what you’re into and be vulnerable with your partner. A 2019 study showed that sexting is a great way to share your likes and needs with your partner. You can get comfortable with asking for what you want without the awkwardness of having to voice your desires aloud.
Sexting also takes off the pressure to respond instantly to your partner, so you can take your time typing out a reply. It can also be really hot and intimate to talk about sex with your partner. But even though sexting is a great way to communicate with a partner, you might still end up searching for what to say. Here are some prompts for if you’re stuck while sexting:
1. Tell them what you’re going to do
Sexting is a fun way to give your partner a preview of the sex that you’re going to have in the future. Tell them what you want to do the next time you’re together. Do you want to try a particular position? Maybe you want to tease them about the new lingerie you’re wearing today, or maybe you’ve been thinking all day about sliding your hands under their top while you kiss them. It feels hot to be desired, so let them know that you’re thinking about how you want to have sex with them.
2. Talk about something you’ve done before
After looking forwards, look backwards! Reminding your partner of something you’ve done together in the past is always a strong move. Do you want to reminisce about the most recent time you had sex? Is there something especially memorable that they did with their hands or mouth that you really loved? Highlighting specific aspects of a sex session helps steer your partner towards the parts that you really enjoyed - it’s always far more effective to tell someone what you do like rather than what you don’t like.
3. Share a fantasy
Is there something that you’d like to try that you’ve never been brave enough to bring up with your partner? Is there a kink you want to explore together, or do you want to bring sex toys into the bedroom? Framing something as a fantasy means you’re not putting pressure on them to feel like they have to do it with you now you’ve shared it with them. Sexting also means they can segue into something they do find sexy if they’re not into it with much less awkwardness than an in-person conversation.
4. Tell them what you’re doing right now
It can also be really hot to share how sexting is affecting you while you’re doing it. Is hearing your partner talk about their fantasies turning you on? Are you wishing that you were with them right now because you really want to have sex? Tell them that. Are you jerking off to their words? Let them know if you’re reaching for the lube - Momentum Organic Aloe Lubricant is a 100% organic lube that’s perfect for keeping everything slippery during solo sex - or tell them that you’re about to come.
5. Give them a compliment
Sexting is a great way to communicate with your partner, but if you’re not used to talking about sex at all it can still feel incredibly vulnerable. Reminding your partner how hot you find them can help reassure them that you’re invested in them and in this conversation. Compliments are also a good fall back if you’re not sure what to say: telling your partner that they’re sexy or that they turn you on so much is a solid sexting strategy!
6. Ask them a question
If you’re really stuck for what to say, ask a question - it shows your partner that you care about them and their experience! Ask them if they’re turned on, or prompt them to share some of their fantasies with you. Phrasing something as a hypothetical can also make it easier to share something that you’re into. Asking ‘would it be really hot if I tied you up and didn’t let you come?’ can feel far less vulnerable than saying ‘I’d really like to tie you up and not let you come’ - you can gauge your partner’s response before admitting that it’s something you’d really like to do.