Solo sex is important. We often value masturbation less than partnered sex, discounting all the benefits it can bring. Solo sex can help know your own body and learn what you like, as well as reducing stress and helping you sleep. It’s easy to reduce masturbation to something you only do when you need to get off – for example, if you’re horny and need to deal with that so you can get on with your day, or if you’re on your period and orgasms relieve your menstrual cramps. It’s easy to forget how fun solo sex can be in its own right.
Here are just some of the ways you can ‘level up’ your solo sex and remember how good it can feel to just enjoy the journey.
1. Use lube
No matter what your gender or genitals, you can’t have too much lube. If you’re a person with a circumcised penis, lube may already be a regular part of your solo sex. If you’re not, or it isn’t, you should try giving yourself a lubed up hand job. If you’re a person with a vulva who worries about getting wet during partnered sex, lube can help both by reducing the need for self-lubrication and taking away the stress that your body isn’t wet ‘enough’. The same thing applies to solo sex – everything is hotter when you’re not worrying that your body doesn’t work how it’s ‘supposed’ to. Plus, the sensation of cold lube on your genitals can be really fun to play with!
2. Watch/read/listen to porn
Whether you prefer to watch porn on your laptop, read smutty stories on your phone, or pop your earphones in to listen to some audio erotica, porn can be a really fun addition to your masturbation. Solo sex is a great time to explore your fantasies – maybe you masturbate watching a porn scene involving an activity you might want to try with a partner. Maybe you find someone whispering instructions on how you should touch yourself in your ear helps you get off. Porn can often help you relax and enjoy the sensations of solo sex, rather than racing towards an orgasm.
3. Try using sex toys
Just like there’s shame around people with vulvas using lube, there’s a stigma around people with penises using sex toys – but sex toys are for everyone! Using a sex toy during solo sex doesn’t mean you’re lonely or unable to ‘get’ a partner, it just means that you want another way to pleasure yourself. From masturbation sleeves to prostrate massagers, and from wand vibrators to dildos that hit your g-spot just right, there are lots of toys to choose from. Sex toys can let you explore what feels good to you and remind you that you do deserve pleasure, whether you’re alone or with a partner. (Remember to start small when it comes to any toy you’re inserting – again, lube is your friend!)
4. Edge yourself
Edging describes the sexual technique of stretching out how long it takes to reach orgasm, usually maintaining a high level of sexual arousal for an extended period and bringing yourself close to the edge of an orgasm without letting yourself climax. Edging could be part of a kink scene with your partner, but you can also enjoy playing with orgasm control or denial on your own. Rather than prioritising the goal of getting off, edging forces you to slow down and enjoy the whole experience. Edging really forces yourself to get to know yourself better and learn exactly how body responds to touch.
5. Experiment with different positions
It’s easy to fall into the habit of masturbating in the same way. You know that lying on your front with one hand on your clit, the other pinching your nipple and your face buried in the pillow will get you off, so that’s what you do every time. It can be fun to try masturbating in different positions, even if they’re not guaranteed to get you off every single time. Try lying on your back with your feet braced against the bed or touching yourself while you’re standing in the shower. Masturbating in different positions will make you more aware of your body, and you might discover something new that feels really, really good.
Do any of these things feature regularly in your solo sex? Let us know what other ways you enjoy mixing up your masturbation! And thank you for reading this #MometumMen!